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EmpressReece

Hooked on Books

Reading is my passion! I'll read anything if it looks good & sounds good. I'm also a sucker for books with unique settings & I'd choose Hardcovers over E-Books any day! : ) -Empress Reece

Currently reading

Gemina (The Illuminae Files)
Jay Kristoff, Amie Kaufman
Admiral
-Penguin Audio-, Sean Danker-Smith, Johnathan McClain
The Facefaker's Game
Chandler J. Birch
Grimalkin the Witch Assassin
Joseph Delaney, Christopher Evan Welch
Progress: 90 %
The Forlorned
Angela J. Townsend
Progress: 274/274 pages
The Other Side of Midnight
Simone St. James
Olmec Obituary (Dr Pimms, Intermillennial Sleuth Book 1)
David L. Owen
Progress: 12 %
Stiletto: A Novel
Daniel O'Malley, Hachette Audio, Moira Quirk
Progress: 31 %
The Fate of the Tearling: A Novel (The Queen of the Tearling Book 3)
Erika Johansen
The Aeronaut's Windlass: The Cinder Spires, Book 1
Jim Butcher, -Penguin Audio-, Euan Morton
Progress: 11 %

Dead Brain Cells from the Dead Sea...

— feeling cyclop
Dead Sea - Tim Curran

 

Shit am I glad to see the end of this book! : ) You would have thought it was a thousand pages, for as long as it took me to get through it. It's actually 538 which was still way too long. Seriously, if you ever read this book, you can read the first 100- 150 pages and the last 100 pages and just skip everything in between and you will not miss a damn thing! Everything in the middle is just the same repetitive locker room banter and arguing back and forth between a bunch of guys that act like there 16.

 

Here's a sample of what I've put myself through for the last week....

 

 

Excerpt 1

    "Listen to Fabrini there, Menhaus. What fucking waste. Lucky you got me here. You got any jokes so I don't have to listen to Fagbrini praying for a bigger rod?"...

 

    "Um...let me think here...I...oh yeah, what did one condom say to the other condom when they passed the gay bar?"

    "I don't know."

    "Let's go in there and get shitfaced...."

    Saks laughed until he started coughing. "I gotta better one. What does a Sunken ship and Fabrini's asshole have in common?"

    "Can't say."

    "Dead semen."

     Menhaus started chuckling and stopped.

    "Listen, motherfucker," Fabrini growled, snapped out of his devotions, "you better knock this shit off. I'm warning you, fatass. I'm not in the mood for yer crap."

    "Oh, shit, I'm sorry," Saks said.

    "He's just kidding you," Menhaus said.

    Saks sighed. "Sure I am, Fabrini. You know I'd never do anything to hurt your feelings. You mean to much to me sweetheart."

    "Go fucking yourself."

    "I would but you'd get all excited."

    Fabrini resumed praying.

    "Hey Menhaus, "Saks said. "You hear about the time Fagbrini got VD? He goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him, yeah, you got the clap. 'You know who gave it to you?' the doc says. Fabrini says, 'No, silly, I never saw his face, he was behind me all the time.'"

 

Excerpt 2

     "We're going to make it," Fabrini said.

     "Yeah," Saks said, "Your prayers worked. What else did you wish for? A bunch of horn pirates to pick you up and gangrape you?"

     "Your turns coming, Saks, just you wait."

     "Yeah, if you can get your tongue out of Menhaus' bum long enough."

 

Excerpt 3

    "Okay, then," Saks said, happy now. "Since we've all come to the conclusion that none of you donkeyfucks could find your own wee pecked without rubbing your crotches with rock salt and seeing what turns red, let's get down to business, shall we?"

    Fabrini didn't like it, but he listened.

    "Now, I'm in charge here whether you gay bastards like it or not. You don't have to love me, just maybe, I'll get you out of this pissing sewer and back to your pathetic little lives. How does that suit you boys?"

 

And it just goes on and on and on... It wouldn't have been so bad if the arguing and banter was like scattered here and there but it was just non-stop throughout. It got real old, real fast. At the end, a female character comes into play and the author finally turns it down a notch and they actually start talking about something else besides each other's sexual appendages and what not. The plot finally starts moving then too. The ending is really the best part about the book. I gave it an extra half of star just for that but I could have done without about 250 pages of the rest of it. Finally I can move on to something else...